Sunday, August 9, 2009

My fantasy world: Internet Court Proceedings

An attorney friend called this to my attention. It's from Hank Moody, the main character in Showtime's Californication:
"People…they don’t write anymore - they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it’s just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King’s English."
For whatever reason, that led me to imagine what internet court proceedings would be like; I think it would go something like this:

CourtChat Section 2

9:30 AM
Hon. I.B. Earnest presiding

Judge: Madame Clerk, call the first case please.

Clerk: State vs. Whipple, Simple Battery
Defense Attorney: Your Honor, we move that all charges be dismissed.
DA: OMG! We object, Your Honor!
Judge: LOL, that is so not going to happen. Proceed.
DA: Your Honor, Mr. Whipple is charged with throwing a bag of chips at a convenience store clerk and has pled not guilty.
Judge: I’ve been guilty of chip shots myself!
Defense Attorney: ROFLMAO!
DA: Your honor, may we go to private chat?
(DA & Defense attorney go to private chat with judge)
Judge: It appears that the arresting officer has had his computer infected by a worm and cannot appear this morning.
Defense Attorney: We move for a mistrial!
Judge: LMAO!
Judge: Denied! Case will be reset for such time as Office Doright’s computer has been restored.
Madame Clerk, call the next case please . . . .


  1. Ha! I love that show. Showtime has the best series on television. (but remember, I have to careful what I say because I can get in big trouble for my thoughts! Or Hank's thoughts for that matter! lol, rofl, lmao, roflmao..)

  2. That's funny, What is even more funny is the look on your 12 Year Old daughter when her almost 50 yo stepdad uses one of the terms. They think they invented them.


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