Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Ten easy steps to secession

The Social Media is buzzing with talk of the 'petitions' to secede from the United States.
Didn't work out too well the first time around, but let's take a look at it.
First of all, the 'petitions' are on a White House website that promises that if they get 25,000 signatures on any one petition, the administration will address it.
That would be a no.
In case you want to persist, better start getting prepared.
First, you have to convince the Legislature to call a referendum of all the voters to either vote it up or down.
If that is achieved, then you need to make preparations.
1. Better stock up on stuff. The money you have in the bank is only backed by the good faith of the U.S. government. In other words, you'll be broke.
2. Clean your .22 and your shotgun, you will need them when you march on Barksdale AFB and Ft. Polk to claim those facilities and their equipment for the State of Louisiana. They might put up a fight.
3. Also better be prepared for the U.S. troops that will be headed this way. They did it once before, you know.
4. Also better be prepared to put down the 49% of the people who voted against secession, they might take up arms against you and collaborate with the U.S. forces.
5. Hope you can change your diet rather quickly, because all of those food transports from the 'enemy' will stop immediately.
6. While you're at it, better quickly build some barbed wire internment camps to house all of those Federal officials who are left behind, you know, judges, FBI agents, Federal attorneys, any troops you capture and of course, the traitors among you who remain loyal to the Union.
7. Buy a horse and mule or two, you'll need them when the U.S. forces bomb the refineries in South Louisiana.
8. Get that Navy cranked up pretty quickly, because the Feds will try to land U.S. Marines on the coast. Keep an eye on those Navy Seals too, they are pretty tricky to deal with.
9. Make sure your police forces stay loyal to you, because you will need them. Crime will be rampant. Once there are laws in place defining crime.
10. Keep an eye on the slaves too, because they are apt to rebel. Oh wait, that was last time. My bad.
As an alternative, of course, you could just renounce your citizenship and go into exile in say, Jamaica or somewhere. If they would have you.
Come on people, really? This whole thing is so ridiculous, but I see people whom I had believed to have at least a measure of intelligence discussing it on Facebook and Twitter.
If you are among them, please don't embarass yourself further.


  1. Civil uneducated/uninformed idiocracy.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. But Jim - there are a few points to ponder.

    (1) The Feds aren't protecting us from the Mexicans anyway. Seen the border reports lately? Remember that big tunnel?

    (2) Are you forgetting that a LOT of the soldiers in the US Army are from the states that would secede? We will already have a trained force.

    (3) The US dollars would still be good. They are good in every other country. Of course, with more QE going on the value of the dollar will soon be a moot point.

    (4) This time we have lots of factories down here. Besides, outsourcing is a good thing - remember? They will need to outsource to us. It's not like they are gonna cut Texas off.

    (5) CHINA might see that nearly 1/2 the country is gone and starting over. They might decide to collect on their debt from the US - have you not seen the previews for Red Dawn 2012? It's the Chinese...

    (6) LAST TIME - the war was started by a Republican (after he fought the vampires). THIS TIME we have a Progressive in office who only likes drones and assassinating US citiizens. We southerners can shoot the drones outta the sky - much better than the Iranians - and we can teach the northern secessioners ;-)

  4. If the leaders of all the red states got together. Things would get interesting.

  5. I'm sorry but is this seriousally happening!? The White House should issue a statement and apologize for being ignorant enough to even establish a .gov domain for this nonsense. What a joke. This is funny as a septic tank leak! So lame and if folks do believe this, might as well join a cult! Just sayin.

  6. Rex seems to be forgetting that those soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines from the states which would supposedly "secede" have taken an oath to the United States of America. Does their oath mean anything? Aren't these same troublemakers who are "seceding" because one election didn't go their way, the same scoundrels who carry on so about the Pledge of Allegiance being said in the public schools and so forth? Talk about fair weather friends or patriots! They are just showing their ignorance of history, and how foolish they are to start with. If they want to leave the USA, there are planes taking off and ships launching every day. Plenty of places in the world welcome expatriate Americans.

  7. You can always depend on Rex for a good discussion.

  8. I think the President should respond to these people whether, or not, they get the 25000 signatures. He should give the fools a history lesson, and make a speech about the Lost Cause of Southern Independence from 1861 to 1865, and about the horrible consequences which were suffered as a result of hot-headed foolish thinking Southerners not being willing to accept the results of the election of

  9. Apov,
    I don't think people are mad because of one election. Our government has been over taxing and over spending for decades now. I think that's what more and more people are fed up with. Regardless of whether or not its possible accomplice I think it's a food political statement

  10. I agree with you Anonymous, it's not the fact that an idiot won the election, it has everything to do with the fed's not realizing that they work for the people. This idiot is not gonna balance the budget any more than any other idiot to be elected, however he hasn't done anything to curb spending either. It's time for fed's to wake up, stop spending money it doesn't have, and then borrowing from foreign countries. It's going to be a sad day when all that debt gets called in, and given the opportunity I will not wait around for it to happen. Most people now days are just like cows in a path, if one walks into a briar patch every one will follow, well I'm not a cow and I will NOT follow the fed's into a briar patch of a failed society. Every person that sits back and does nothing is just as guilty and the politicians making the vote. It's time everyone stands up and demands change!!

  11. The other commentors have hit it pretty well on the head. It's not just the reelection of ObozO...it is the constant, consistent, never ending march away from the Constitution that has so many Patriots (and, THAT they are) at loose ends.

    It's really over. Louisiana would not have to secede, nor would Texas, or any other State if they'd just balz up and assert their rights as a State. But, the deck has been stacked by so many decades of giving that away for the Federal tax money to be dripped back.

    Both parties are guilty. They sat there, and let it happen to us because a new bridge needed building, or a poor Grandma needed foot surgery, or some welfare queen wanted a big-screen/yada yada yada....

    It's over. There is not any hope for the restoration of the America of our parents/grandparents/etc.

    But, the very idea of secession is ridiculous. Ain't gonna happen. Perilous times lie ahead, due to the fact that we've let our elected reps screw us in to a burning pole.

    We let 'em do it. I'll only claim blame for my part...

  12. Everyone who has signed this petition is woefully uneducated, and seems to be lacking in intelligence as well as in knowledge. They certainly can not petition for the secession of Louisiana when they do not represent the State of Louisiana. We have duly elected Governor, Secretary of State, and Attorney General, and one of them might have the authority to petition or negotiate with the federal government. But even then it would have to be a request which was lawful under the Constitution and laws of The United States and of the State of Louisiana in particular. If this is the caliber of people who are opposed to the current administration, then it might be good that their side lost.

  13. man ya'll are some pessimists. that election gave me more hope for the future of america than anything else in quite awhile. what could be a greater celebration of freedom than the legalization of pot in two states? that's the beginning of the end of the greatest assault on personal liberty and fiscal sanity ever: the drug war. at the same time, the four winning votes on marriage equality indicates the tyranny of the religious right might soon end as well. also, now that the house can focus on something other than defeating obama, i'm confident the potus and congress will work together to balance the budget without sending us into a euro-style austerity caused recession.

  14. Great post. This is gret satire Jim.

  15. Wtf idk what this is even about this is useless


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