Ten easy steps to secession

The Social Media is buzzing with talk of the 'petitions' to secede from the United States.
Didn't work out too well the first time around, but let's take a look at it.
First of all, the 'petitions' are on a White House website that promises that if they get 25,000 signatures on any one petition, the administration will address it.
That would be a no.
In case you want to persist, better start getting prepared.
First, you have to convince the Legislature to call a referendum of all the voters to either vote it up or down.
If that is achieved, then you need to make preparations.
1. Better stock up on stuff. The money you have in the bank is only backed by the good faith of the U.S. government. In other words, you'll be broke.
2. Clean your .22 and your shotgun, you will need them when you march on Barksdale AFB and Ft. Polk to claim those facilities and their equipment for the State of Louisiana. They might put up a fight.
3. Also better be prepared for the U.S. troops that will be headed this way. They did it once before, you know.
4. Also better be prepared to put down the 49% of the people who voted against secession, they might take up arms against you and collaborate with the U.S. forces.
5. Hope you can change your diet rather quickly, because all of those food transports from the 'enemy' will stop immediately.
6. While you're at it, better quickly build some barbed wire internment camps to house all of those Federal officials who are left behind, you know, judges, FBI agents, Federal attorneys, any troops you capture and of course, the traitors among you who remain loyal to the Union.
7. Buy a horse and mule or two, you'll need them when the U.S. forces bomb the refineries in South Louisiana.
8. Get that Navy cranked up pretty quickly, because the Feds will try to land U.S. Marines on the coast. Keep an eye on those Navy Seals too, they are pretty tricky to deal with.
9. Make sure your police forces stay loyal to you, because you will need them. Crime will be rampant. Once there are laws in place defining crime.
10. Keep an eye on the slaves too, because they are apt to rebel. Oh wait, that was last time. My bad.
As an alternative, of course, you could just renounce your citizenship and go into exile in say, Jamaica or somewhere. If they would have you.
Come on people, really? This whole thing is so ridiculous, but I see people whom I had believed to have at least a measure of intelligence discussing it on Facebook and Twitter.
If you are among them, please don't embarass yourself further.